When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
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She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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