you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
