Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fuck appropriateness.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
