just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
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Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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