I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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