you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
