My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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