I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
