so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
