did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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