Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
