well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
