...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
