i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
