Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
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Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
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Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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