This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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