Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
