i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Randomize
