Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
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And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
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My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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