his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
