i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
