i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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