so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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