so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
