i think my tv is drunk
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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