I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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