it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
