I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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