I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
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according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
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If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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