found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He felt like a one man threesome
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
