there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
