Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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