Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
