No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
im on a boat
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