Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
