maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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