My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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