i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
