you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
