Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
