PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
