so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
