they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
