i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
