Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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