never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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