Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
