oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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