Sry I called you an 8
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
