He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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