dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
