So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
