we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
