i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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