You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he thought i was a dude.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
