soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
