Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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