Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
