You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My bed smells like the plague
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
