One girl and one boy is just not enough.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
