It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
