I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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