I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
