It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
