I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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